This summer we took our third annual trip to Australia as a family.
Glorious weather, empty beaches (it's "winter" over there), delicious food, and a very simple schedule—visit the beach daily and stay there until the sun goes down.
Despite the last sentence, we had a very hard summer in Australia.
Our children were each experiencing moments of dysregulation several times a day, and there were many moments where my wife and I just looked at each other speechless, clueless, and defeated.
It's safe to say that there were many, many moments on our trip where our family felt broken.
***
Do you know how muscles work?
Specifically, how they grow?
They need to be damaged.
Then, they need time to repair.
Both are necessary ingredients for growth.
It's this cycle of damage and repair that stimulates growth.
***
As I sit down to write this, we've been back from Australia for almost three weeks exactly.
These three weeks have been wildly different to the time we spent in Australia.
I can count on one hand the number of times that our kids have been dysregulated.
Sure, you could argue they are back in familiar environment, they were in camps the last three weeks (meaning they had regular routines), they hung out with their friends again, and ate the food they know and love.
But what if there's a simpler explanation?
What if relationships work like muscles?
***
What I didn't tell you about Australia is that we were there for four weeks.
The first three weeks were where 99% of the challenges were. Those were the dark weeks.
The last week—comparatively speaking—was blissful.
No, it was restful. Plenty of time for repair.
***
So if relationship growth is similar to muscle growth, then the equation is:
Damage, repair, grow, repeat.
