Pattern Interrupt

Our daughter has been having a tough time lately.

She gets into these moods that we like to call, "floppy moods."

When in a floppy mood, evvverrryyything takes effort.

Even lifting one's hand to reach for one's water bottle that is mere inches away.

Hands are so heavy, when we're floppy.

As parents, just witnessing our daughter being a floppy mood somehow makes us floppy too.

It's incredibly draining to watch someone pretend to be incredibly drained.

As a result of these recent moods, I've found myself having a much shorter fuse with our daughter than usual.

The other day, she lit the fuse with the start of a floppy mood, and then she added to it by being rude to her brother.

Unfortunately, that was enough for me. I really, really don't like to yell and it's something I've spent years working through, but that moment was just too much for me.

So I yelled.

It was unexpected for her, and so it had the effect that I imagined it might. The reason I don't like it at all. She repelled me.

She ran to the couch and started crying behind a pillow.

Unlike yelling, the thing I love most is repair.

After a few minutes—mostly of me calming down—I was able to go and repair with her and then we carried on as if nothing happened.

***

This is nothing new.

This pattern—minus the yelling—has been repeating in our house for years.

For some reason though, I couldn't get this latest incident out of my head.

I didn't like the particular version of myself that I was in that moment. Though like I said, I've been versions of that in the past.

So I decided to try something.

Something to prevent the floppy mood.

A pattern interrupt, of sorts.

It's something that my wife and I have discussed before, but have never really tried with consistency.

At the time of writing this, I've had the idea for a few days and have actually tried it four times.

So far, it's had a 100% success rate of preventing floppiness.

In terms of parenting strategies, that's both insane and highly unlikely to last.

But maybe, just maybe, there's a chance it'll stick around for a bit.

***

When I sense the floppy mood starting, I simply ask our daughter if I can hug her.

Only once of the four times has this taking a bit of coaxing.

Hugging does something magical.

It lengthens my fuse.

And zaps her floppiness.

This may seem like the most obvious thing in the world, but trust me, it's not the most obvious choice in a pre-floppy moment.

Part of the magic behind this is that, when I'm hugging our daughter, I simply cannot be mad.

The two cannot co-exist.

Even if I don't feel like it in the moment, the very act of hugging her, just removes the option of being mad at her.

***

I wonder where else in life this particular approach may apply.

Doing something simple and intentional to interrupt a negative pattern.

Doing it in such a way where you essentially prevent the negative pattern from starting.

What are the negative patterns you find yourself in?

Start there and see.